My First Two Paragraphs

    So far, I have completed two paragraphs of my writing. These are the two paragraphs:

    The hot afternoon suns shone down on the landing craft’s roof.  Sweat welled from every single pore on Leto’s body, and water was in short supply.  How could it not be?  This was Apollo, after all, and the bloody planet had almost no water!  Admiral Vaughn said the mission would be easy, and several factors pointed to the contrary: First, the LZ was in a desolate location known to the Apollo colonists as the ‘hot seat’ of the planet.  Second, cyanobacteria deposits had left the objective site with too much oxygen, and firing a weapon would only lead to loud booms in the hazy gloom, and third, enemy contacts had been spotted only a klick away.  Mission orders were to eliminate hostiles in the area and to capture the ET commander alive, at all costs.  The strange thing about the mission was that only a platoon of soldiers had been ordered, yet over five dozen blips had shown up on heat scans.  Along with the overwhelming opposition, eighteen AA installations were present, meaning the drop-ship was forced to land far away. 

    Leto felt a thump in the hull of the Cavern class landing craft.  Immediately, the loading door opened, and the seat harnesses unlocked. 
“Let’s go, ladies!  We’ve got a half-company of Zulu-3s to neutralize!”  Leto wondered why his soldiers were only motivated by being called women; some of his people were women!  As the platoon’s armor-clad boots pounded on the grated floor of the drop-ship, he wondered if any of them would survive.  He certainly hoped they all would.

Comments, Please!
--Daniel